R.I.P. Ernie's on Banks

I was pretty shocked to learn that Montrose staple Ernie's on Banks abruptly closed their doors for good the other night.  Ernie’s was a place I really dug. It was a strange place where I never felt really welcome, but I never felt unwelcome, either. Unfortunately, it’s one of the last cool/uncool places in Montrose and I’m sad to see it go. I know the last two sentences are pretty much oxymorons in themselves, but that seems fitting for Ernie’s. Upstairs was always louder while the downstairs almost seemed like a serene speakeasy. I frequently remember the more boisterous couples or friends coming to the downstairs bathrooms, always a bit noisier than the rest of the room. A few disgruntled looks over the shoulders from the regulars downstairs quickly quieted that noise, but in a most respectful way. It was understood.

My favorite place at the bar was right on the curve. I could easily face Sandy and talk to her, people watch the rest of the bar, keep an eye on the TV, while eavesdropping on the couple behind me at the touch screen trivia. This was also in close proximity to the chilled Jager and Patron machines which usually, if ordered from, meant the bartender was doing a shot with you.

Being a rum and coke guy, and having the ability to drink many in one sitting, Ernie’s ran a little expensive for me at times. This was really the only thing that kept me from being a regular. The place was clean, but not too clean. The bartenders were normally tatted up and friendly. They hung the sports page above the urinal, a too-often underappreciated décor. Since it was a KU alumni gathering spot for watching games, they had a Jayhawk sticker on the fridge.

The future of Ernie’s kind of scares me a bit, and you can read about it here. Hopefully, the new owners will remember what it meant to the people of Montrose as well as our neighborhood itself. With statements like “"We're not getting rid of Ernie's; we're gonna make it our place," and "It's still going to be a little two-story neighborhood bar...and then some." I’m a little worried.

The Jersey Rules

With football season quickly approaching and baseball almost halfway through the season, I feel I need to go over a few “Jersey” Rules. Yup, there are rules and guidelines that need to be followed if you plan on wearing a sports jersey. Let’s begin...

Know the sporting event you are attending: There’s nothing more embarrassing than getting to the game and realizing: “Crap! This is Minute Maid Park! I accidentally put on my Brett Favre jersey!” Can you imagine? Very embarrassing, but yet I see this happening all the time. In the excitement of the day, men will randomly grasp at any jersey in their closets. Just take a deep breath and choose wisely. No need to look like a jackass.

Just because you are attending a sporting event, doesn’t mean you need to wear a jersey: This is a big one. The desire to wear a jersey sometimes outweighs common sense. While attending a Texans vs. Colts game, there is no need to wear your Steelers jersey. Astros vs. Cardinals? Leave the Cubs gear at home. You look like a jackass. “But Ross, I’m supporting UT and Houston by wearing a Vince Young jersey!” No, you look like the biggest jackass.

No custom jerseys:  We all know there is no number 69 named “T-Bone” on the team. You look like a jackass. Also, the only reason your last name should be on a jersey is if you made the team and they gave it to you. This also goes for alternate colors. If the team has never worn lime green, your jersey should not be lime green. This “no custom” rule can only be broken in very rare occasions i.e. getting a Falcons “Mexico” jersey (if you don’t know, Google “Ron Mexico”).

Avoid duplication: This can be tricky and sometimes unavoidable. If you are going to a game with one or two buddies, there better be three different jersey represented. To the two guys wearing identical Andre Johnson jerseys in front of me: y’all look like jackasses. This also applies to wives/husbands/significant others. Now, if you have a large tailgate group like we do, duplication is bound to happen. If you must get the same player as another in your group, at least make it a different color and walk to/from the game a minimum of 10 paces apart.

If you are wearing a jersey it better be game day: There is no reason to wear a jersey if it is not game day. If you wanna show your support, they make t-shirts, polos, and hats with your team’s logo. Texans jersey on Wednesday? Jackass.

Now these are just the hard and fast rules I can think of off the top of my head. I typed this up in about 20 minutes, so I probably missed a few, but these rules should be known.

Old School Jam, 6/17/10

I dunno where this ranks in my all-time-kick-ass-song-list, but it's towards the top.  I think it's my favorite Police song.  There are so many.

Here's "Synchronicity II" from 1983's Synchronicity:

The Dark Side is Screwed

JEDI SQUIRRELS!!!

(somewhere Sandy is slowly lowering her head and shaking it in shame)

The University of Texas Needs it's Diaper Changed

Ok, now I’m just fucking sick and tired of it.  Sick and tired of all these UT fans bragging how they “saved” the Big XII and how the rest of us need to be thanking them and worshipping the burnt orange ground that we all live on.  Get the fuck over yourselves.  Lemme let you in on a little secret: You only matter during football season.  Nobody cares the rest of the year, even your own "fans".  Most of y’all are sidewalk alums anyway, so you need to shut up the most.

You know what you are, UT?  You’re the big fucking spoiled fat kid who crosses his arms and pouts any time he doesn’t get his way.  You’re the kid who cries in a restaurant ‘cause they won’t put extra chocolate sprinkles on your chicken fried steak.  You’re the rich kid who threatens to take his ball and bat and go home if he doesn’t get to pitch even though you suck.

We all know that UT is one of the most powerful schools in the country with one of the best athletic programs.  Does that give you the right to threaten to change the face of college athletics?  No.  One team should not be bigger than the conference or have the power to dissolve it.

Congrats UT.  You are Wal-Mart.  You are now officially “big business”.  You are greed.  You are the New York Yankees.  Next time you decide to stick out your lip, stomp your feet and pout like a little whiny bitch, just leave.  Instead of playing bully and holding the conference hostage, just leave.  The Big XII might dissolve, but the rest of us will get along just fine without you. 

Rock Chalk and long live the Big XII, with or without UT.

Links O' The Week, 6/11/10

Re-launching Voltron?  Don't you dare screw this up.

Sandy is a salmon freak so I made this for her the other night.  Said it might be the best salmon she's ever had.  Kick up the Sriracha a bit more than the recipe calls for, though.

Does anyone in their right mind think these two ass clowns are actually getting a divorce?  I've never wished death upon anyone, but these two are getting close.

This mosque at Ground Zero thing is getting even funnier.  Some protesters threatened Muslim-looking Egyptians....who were actually fellow Christians there to protest the mosque.  "Home of the Free", folks!

Funniest Things I Heard This Week

From a co-worker, who's gay: "I hate going to the Gay Pride Parade.  Too many damn gay people."

From Zac on Wednesday night: "The NBA sucks.  It's just a bunch of squeaky shoes."

Old School Jam, 6/10/10

Can we all just agree, like him or not, David Bowie is a freaking genius.  I heard this song on my Pandora radio the other day and wanted to hear it over and over again.  This song is older than I am!

Here's Bowie, performing Golden Years on Soul Train:


If this song sounds familiar and you're not quite sure why, it was also used in a hilariously cheesy scene in A Knight's Tale (which is one of those movies you see on TBS and can't turn off...I've seen it at least 15 times):

Holy Ham & Cheese!

Maybe there IS someting in the bible I agree with!!

An Adventurous Feast

Since I'm just getting this thing back up and running, there's no "Links O' the Week" this week.  You're bummed, I know.  Here, cry on my shoulder.  There you go, get it all out.  Shhh....it'll be okay.

Weird.

Anyway, Sandy, Zac, and Kourtney, and I went to Feast last night and shared this as one of our appetizers:

Damn right kids, that's a little pig's brain.  Served on a piece of delicious bread, accompanied by their "Green Sauce", which is basically a pesto.  I'm not gonna try and play cool and say it was the best thing I ever ate.  It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great, either.  I think we were all expecting something a little chewy.  It surprisingly had the consistency of pate or braunschweiger.  Between the four of us, we finished the thing off, but I don't think any of us were running out to try to fix it at home.

We've always wanted to try Feast, and spurred on by an erroneous (or misleading) post by the Houston Press food blog, we reserved our table a week ago.  It was good.  It was damn good.  It was adventurous and not like anything else I've seen in Houston.  The prices were $25 or so per entree, which is just about right for the restaurant.  The service was impeccable.  In fact, I think our server was one of the owners, Megan Silk, who quickly assured us:  Feast is not closing, they are only opening a new location in New Orleans, and she wasn't too happy about that rumor spreading like wildfire.  I'm guessing, like in our case, it got some more people in the restaurant.

Just FYI on what we had:  Sandy - Lamb Shank; Kourtney - Fish and Scallop Pie (think Shepherd's Pie with seafood); Zac - Pork Chop; Myself - Bath Chaps (Pig's cheek and jowl meat).  The best thing on the table was proabably a tie between Sandy's lamb and Kourtney's...erm...pie.

Thank You, Junior

Big props today to Ken Griffey, Jr, who retired from baseball last night at the age of 40.  22 seasons, 13 All Star Games, 630 home runs, and arguably the sweetest swing baseball has ever seen.  If you are anywhere close to my age and tell me Griffey was never your favorite player, you're lying.

Considered the greatest player in the game at one point, the man almost single handedly created a baseball atmosphere in Seattle.  Enjoying Safeco Field people of Seattle?  Thank Junior. 

Everyone will remember him for his swing, his smile, and introducing the MLB to wearing your hat backwards.  But do you remember this little rap he did with Kid Sensation?  I had this tape....and it was awesome.

Old School Jam, 6/3/10

If you're close to my age and you were into the "alternative/grunge" thing, you went through a Sonic Youth phase.  I think Sonic Youth was musically before their time and ironically suffered for it.  Agree?

Here's "Teenage Riot" from their 1988 album Daydream Nation

Yay Patriotism!!!

I'm furious!  I just heard of proposed plans to build a Mosque near Ground Zero!  America should be furious!! 

Building a Mosque near Ground Zero would be like building a church...well...anywhere....

Hmm....

Galarraga Blown in Detroit (Not in the Good Way)

I’d be remiss if I didn’t write something, ANYTHING, about Jim Joyce (never a good sign if you know the name of an ump) blowing the call that cost Armando Galarraga a perfect game. After watching the replay, how the hell was that call blown? It was barely what you would call a “bang-bang” sort of play. Now the calls for instant replay are becoming louder and will probably be listened to.


They shouldn’t.


I feel bad for Galarraga, who I believe will eventually be credited for throwing only the 21st perfect game in MLB history, but this is going to lead more knee jerk reactions calling for ordinances that are not needed (see: oil industry). Yes, the technology is there, but baseball does not need any instant replay. They have a system in place now for close home run calls and that’s enough. The main complaint about baseball is the length of the games. Instituting some more instant replay will only make the games longer. It would also take away that human element that is so prevalent, and endearing, in baseball.

A Look at the New Captain America

Looks like some new art was released showing what Captain America is going to look like in the upcoming movie:

At risk of being too "Comic Guy"-esque, I'm not diggin' it.  What's up with the helmet?  Is that a helmet?  Looks like one.  Cap always rode a motorcycle, but never had a permanent helmet.  Why the military issued knock off Batman utility belt?  Are those suspenders?  Where are the cool little wings on the temples?  Might as well make the shield square.  Best to take a wait and see approach with this one. 

For a closer look at the new stuff, click here.  A traditional, yet modern depiction:

Megan Fox Going Downhill?

So I guess it's official...Megan Fox has been replaced in The Transformers franchise by this chick:

My sources say she's Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, a Victoria's Secret model.  By "sources" I mean a half-assed Google search.

So does this mean Megan Fox has jumped the shark, so to speak?  Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan, but it seems she's been on a slide for a while.  I had high hopes for her in Diablo Cody's "Jennifer's Body", but after bad reviews, I haven't even given it a look.  She'll be in DC's upcoming "Jonah Hex", but even with a strong cast (Josh Brolin, John Malkovich), I'm already having my doubts about that one. 

Just some random thoughts.  So what do you think?  Is Megan Fox's career in trouble?

Gulf Coast PSA

I'm not an ecologist or anything like that, but I just wanted to give a quick PSA to support the Gulf Coast seafood industry.  They're gonna need it for a while.  Sandy and I devoured these beauties yesterday along with some awesome gumbo, boudin, and shrimp po-boys from Danton's.....

Wakey Wakey, Hands Off Snakey...

The self imposed hiatus is officially over. I was spending a few days a week over at the parent company’s 10-story ant farm, helping out on a project over there. Just as I was getting used to the vast amounts of solitude (nobody likes to talk to each other over there), they say “thanks for playing” and send me back to normalcy.

Big Brother has a huge presence over there, so internet usage was pretty much impossible. I quickly learned to entertain myself through more “archaic” means….playing games on the new phone and discovering new places to eat. By the way, the Greenspoint area has some great Mexican and Vietnamese places. You just can’t be scared to walk into places that don’t look so great and not mind that nobody speaks English. One of the Mexican places I went to didn’t even have English on the menu, which honestly, is a good sign.

So, hopefully I can get this thing kicked off again for my three-or-so visitors (Hi Meg!)

And by the way, y’all got the “best superhero” question wrong. The correct answer is Batman. I’m disappointed in you. This is not up for debate.

Damn the Man!

Gonna have to put this bloggy thing on hold for a bit.  Got a little expanded role here at the jobby-job.  No worries though, Zac, I'll find some time somewhere to post something you can complain about!

Links O' The Week

If your girlfriend asks you to engage in a threesome with her and her female friend, the correct answer is "Certainly, dear.  I look forward to strengthening our relationship."  The incorrect answer is beating her up.

Keeping up with the weekly chick in bikini thing:  Say what you want about Kim Kardashian, it's hard to deny she's hot.

I've made this pork chop recipe twice now (this past Tuesday night was the last) and I have to pass it on.  It's un-freaking-believably good and pretty easy.

Showing further proof that she is nothing more than a gimmick, Sarah Palin is hosting a reality TV show.

Weingarten Realty Hates Houston

Pardon me while I rant locally....

Weingarten Realty, the pitiful company who loves to demolish any structure that might make Houston look different and unique, is at it again.  After closing down and demolishing a large part of River Oaks Shopping Center to build the monstrosity that is the new Barnes and Noble, Weingarten has begun steps to tear down the West Alabama Theater.  Sadly, we all saw this coming. 

After forcing the closure of the W. Alabama Bookstop, the theater remains empty, ripe for tearing down.  The latest word is the building will be gutted for a Staples.  YAY!  As always, Weingarten, way to preserve any uniqueness that Houston has left.  And shame on you, Staples, for even considering this move.  Another heartless big box company ruining a historic part of Houston.  I can't wait for Weingarten to tear down the River Oaks Theater so they can put in a Wal-Mart.

For more detailed information about this, check out articles here, here, and here.  Since Houston has some weak-ass preservation laws, there's not much we can do to fight this.  My own little protest?  I have yet to set foot in the new Barnes & Noble.  It would take a personal invitation from Hanna Hilton, Kevin Smith, and DeMeco Ryans to get me in there.  The same will happen if Staples decides to trash a Houston landmark.  Although, admittedly, my desire for office supplies are far less than that for books and Sandy has a better chance with Hanna Hilton than I do.

Either way, Weingarten sucks.  They should be ashamed of what they are doing to the landscape of Houston.

Jane Lynch Props

I'm not afraid to admit it, Sandy and I started watching Glee from the get go.  I thought it was original and so different than anything else on TV at the time.  These days, we fast forward through the singing (unless they involve the cheerleaders) because it's kinda lost its luster.

Then, there's Jane Lynch who playe Sue Sylvester.  Sandy and I used to joke that she was in everything released between 2005-2009.  I'm a Christopher Guest nerd (Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman, A Mighty Wind), so I've been a fan of hers for a while.  Tell me she wasn't one of the best things about Role Models. 

Anyway, this is the funniest "Sue's Corner" she's done.  Evidently Fox doesn't care for embedded videos, so you gotta click.

Because I Can....

It's no secret I love chicks with tattoos.  Lots of 'em.  So I'm glad someone came up with the idea to "photoshop" some on these two:

Megan Fox:

Elisha Cuthbert:

Old School Jam, 3/25/10

I was feeling John Hughes-ish this week.  Remember this one from Pretty in Pink? For some reason, the song was in the film, but not on the soundtrack.  Great song.

"Positively Lost Me" - The Rave-Ups

Poll Question, 3/24/10

I added small new feature to the right over there.  Just a simple little poll question for fun.  This week's question: Who is the greatest superhero?  You only have the three choices listed 'cause I couldn't think of anyone else who would come close to the popularity of those three.  Lemme know what you think!

Full disclosure: This week's poll question was lifted from Pop Candy.

Oooo....Health Care....

Health care!! "Greatest thing ever!" "Downfall of America!!" "End of the world!!" Agreements, disagreements, fighting, name calling, "I bet I can find 1 million people who hate health care", blah blah blah......

I will be the first one to call out anyone for something I don't agree with. I'll yell and stomp my feet and take my ball and go home with the best of them. If you've ever uttered the phrase "I think Rick Perry is a good governor!", we've gone a round or two.

So, I've always been opinionated and if there's one thing I've learned about having this quality is to have an opinion on a topic, you HAVE to be knowledgeable about said topic. Health Care, you are foreign to me. I'll admit, I don't know enough to agree or disagree. So I stay out of it. I know a lot of people hate it right now. A lot of people hated the civil rights movement, too, that doesn't mean it's bad. Usually, the dissenters are louder than the supporters.

So before you go praising or blasting the Obama administration about health care, or praising or blasting anything for that matter, make sure you know what the hell you are talking about. Too many times have I began a discussion with someone, just to figure out they have no idea what they are talking about. "Because I'm Republican/Democrat/Libertarian/Whatever" is not a stance or a defense for your opinion. Just because Rush Limbaugh or Keith Olbermann has an opinion, don't blindly follow it. Think for yourself.  It's the greatest freedom this country grants us.

Yay Baseball!

Now that the NCAA tournament is over and done with and completely out of my head and I have no bitterness what-so-ever towards anything or any team (breathe), I am free to focus my attention to the Astros. 

The 'Stros open on April 5th against Tim Lincecum and the San Francisco Giants.  Like Super Bowl Monday, I firmly believe MLB Opening Day should be a national holiday.  We could replace some other holiday with Opening Day.  I mean honestly, do we really need Good Friday? 

The Astros, as a whole, seem to be a huge question mark this year.  Will they push for a playoff spot?  Who is going to be the fifth starter?  Will the offense be anything this year?  I'm far from being an expert, so I'm not gonna even attempt to answer these questions.  I just know that I'm ready for the season to start so I can get that damn tournament out of my head.  F*$%in' Northern Iowa.

Links O' The Week

For those of you with a smartphone, here's a link with tips to extend the life of your battery. I'm still holding on to my old school flip phone, which is basically like using carrier pigeons these days.

People are shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, to learn that graduating from ITT Tech or Le Cordon Bleu does not result in finding a stable, decent paying job. What did those aspiring chefs expect? They should know by now that anything prepared "cordon bleu" is horrible.

I'm not sure who Kelly Landry actually is, but she looks damn good in a bikini.

It's really fucking scary that this is what a Happy Meal looks like after sitting out for a year. 

Update: Texas Education

As a follow up to my post the other day, the Texas Board of Education debacle has reached a national level.  You might have seen some stories on CNN and Fox News.

Here's a clip from Jon Stewart and "The Daily Show" hitting on the topic.  Again, way to go Texas Government!

(couldn't get the video to embed so you'll have to click.  damn Blogger)

Old School Jam, 3/18/10

I debated on this one for a bit 'cause this song is on a regular playlist of mine and I hear it all the time. Then I figured everyone knows (Houston's own) Geto Boys by "Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta" from Office Space, but maybe not the song that blew 'em up back in the day. I still love the guitar riff.

"Mind Playing Tricks on Me", 1991 (Keep it low if you're at work)

Let's Go Jayhawks!

The greatest tournament/"playoffs" in sports begins today.  March Madness is upon us.  My Jayhawks are the popular pick (and the President's) to win it all and that scares the hell outta me.  I never like it when the 'Hawks are ranked number one in basketball.  It makes that target on their back even bigger.

Just a couple of predictions:  Syracuse and Texas exit early, K-State is going to turn some heads, and Roy Williams will cry as he watches Bill Self win his second title at KU.  Yes, I'm still bitter.

GO 'HAWKS!!!!

Andrews' Stalker Sentenced

The other day, Erin Andrews' stalker was sentenced to 2-1/2 years in prison for the whole reverse peephole video. Michael David Barrett pleaded guilty and asked for Andrews' forgiveness, which she was giving none (rightfully so, it's her choice).

Is it a fair punishment? There's been some debate about that or if she handled the "apology" well. I don't really have an opinion either way. As a guy, I'm so far removed from her situation that I can't begin to grasp what she's gone through.

Given, it is not my body out there on the internet for everyone to see. Frankly, if you haven't seen me naked, you just haven't been friends with me long enough. But don't worry, you're not missing anything.

I admittedly felt conflicted after I watched the video way back when it was released. I mean, c'mon, it's Erin Freakin' Andrews and I'm a red-blooded male sports fan! But here was a woman, who was being filmed without her knowledge or consent. She never agreed to any video or picture or anything to be released. Hell, I don't think she ever did a spread for Maxim or anything remotely putting herself out there as a "sex symbol".

The only thing that irks me a bit is this whole Dancing with the Stars thing she's involved in now. A year ago, all she wanted was her privacy. She just wanted to do her job. She was "being treated like fucking Britney Spears" and didn't deserve it. I guess now she doesn't mind the popularity so much.

Either way, she's a good sideline reporter and I hope she sticks with it. I have this looming feeling we'll see her on Today or some other horrible early morning "news" show.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Today is the day we all pretend we're Irish and we don't feel bad for drinking at 11:00 in the morning. Welcome to what I call "Everyday". To get it kicked off, here's a little Flogging Molly for ya'.....

Texas Board of "Education"

I love Texas. I love being a Texan. But sometimes (well okay, often) our governing bodies are just flat out wrong. Believe me, it's not always easy being a liberal in Texas. This is and will always be a conservative "red" state and while I don't like it, I accepted this fact a while back.

So the talk down here recently has been the "updating" of history textbooks in schools. Seems like the Texas Board of Education thought they didn't lean to the right enough for their liking. They make small changes in terminology, omits some contributions of Hispanics, and emphasizes the (hilariously-termed) "conservative resurgence of the 1980's and 1990's". Another of my favorite changes:

Language that qualifies the legacy of 1960s liberalism. Great Society programs such as Title IX—which provides for equal gender access to educational resources—and affirmative action, intended to remedy historic workplace discrimination against African-Americans, are said to have created adverse
“unintended consequences” in the curriculum’s preferred language

This also hits other states. Because Texas is so big, textbook manufacturers will often force out texts to other regions. Welcome to the South, New Hampshire!

Last but not least, the current draft is set to include country and western music as part of the nation's important "cultural movements". Rap music, however, was struck from that list. Can you be more blatantly racist, Texas? Yes folks, we all admire the plight of the redneck as told through song, right? Country music should be celebrated, for it has long been the breeding ground for tolerance, understanding, and level minded thinking.

Well done Texas Board of Education. Thanks for moving Texas into the current era and proving we are indeed a forward-thinking state. Now, if you'll excuse me, I evidently need to get back to proving that darn "evolution" thing wrong.

Links O' the Week

Hells yes. Sandberg and Parnell did a live version of "Lazy Sunday" on Jimmy Fallon. Bonus: The Roots playing back-up.

If you missed it, here's the latest Iron Man 2 trailer.

I always had a little thing for Julie Bowen since I first noticed her on Ed. Not anymore.

My favorite thing in the world? Sandy's ass (no, there is no link so stop clicking on it). My second favorite thing? Penguins. A "one in a zillion" all-black king penguin was discovered on the island of South Georgia.

Christopher Nolan says the next Batman film will be his last. Then on to.......Superman?

I hate soccer, but I like this story about the USA U-17's match against Haiti.

Steak & BJ Day

Ladies, please don't forget about Steak & BJ Day this Sunday (and every March 14th). This is the only holiday we men really care about. Valentine's day, Christmas, New Year's.....we try to put on a good show but we honestly don't care. Our birthday? Unless it's our 21st, it's just another day.

To be completely honest, we can even do without the steak.

Old School Jam for That Ear-Hole

I'm thinking this will be a regular thing around these parts. I'll try to find some obscure jam you haven't thought of in years. Some jams, like maybe this one, you may have never heard before. If you've got a good one, lemme know!

They Might Be Giants - Ana Ng

This is older than "Birdhouse"!

Lindsay Who Now?

Okay, normally I don't give a flying fuck about tabloid type stuff, but this Lindsay Lohan thing is over the top. She's suing E*Trade because a baby in their commercial named "Lindsay" is referred to as a "milkaholic". A lawsuit? Really? I'm sorry Ms. Lohan, but are your royalties from that Herbie movie running low? Did your coke dealer call in your tab? Spend all your money hiring consultants to tell you how to be a fake lesbian?

Listen, I'll give you Mean Girls. That was a good movie. Even though that had more to do with Tina Fey than you, I'll still give you a pass on that one. But now you say "Lindsay" is like "Cher" or "Madonna"; that you are recognizable only by one name. Are you for fucking real? Are you just trying to stay in the headlines because your last five movies have gone straight to bargain bin DVD?

I'll let you in on a little clue: nobody knows you as "Lindsay". If I say "Lindsay" to a friend, they give me a puzzled look. If I'm playing the $25,000 Pyramid and I give the clue "coked up, anorexic, Hollywood has-been, who flamed out at 19 years old", the immediate answer would be "LINDSAY LOHAN!" BING! and then I get to talk to Dick Clark as the studio lights fade.

Pierson & Company Bar-B-Que

On a Sunday not too long ago, Sandy and I found what could be our new favorite BBQ joint. This can be a hard thing to do, living in a city/state where BBQ is serious business. Ask 5 different people what the best place in Houston is, and you'll get 5 different answers.

On a tip from an old Houston Press, we checked out Pierson & Company Bar-B-Que and holy hell are we glad we did. We could tell it was a good idea when we rolled up on the unassuming building, standing alone on some land on TC Jester & Tidwell. It just looked like a place that served damn good BBQ. If you've had a lot of good BBQ, you know what I mean.



As we walked in, that slobber inducing smell hit us like a Ike Turner backhand. Sandy even exclaimed aloud, not to me mind you, just to anyone within earshot "Dear God it smells good in here!" We were greeted by two women, one who asked if we had ever been there. "No", we replied and without hesitation she said: "Well let me get you some samples." Before we even realized what she said, she was ducking back into the kitchen, only to bring back two small ribs, two small pieces of brisket, and two small pieces of sausage. We couldn't believe it. Never before had I been offered samples in a BBQ joint. This service alone would have brought us back for a repeat visit.


Sandy ordered the chopped beef sandwich and I got some ribs and brisket. The stuff was absolutely amazing. Ribs were fall off the bone. I know that term gets thrown around a lot, but I'm being literal here. They were killer. The brisket was the perfect balance of meat to fatty substance. The sauce was just like I like it. It had a kick, but it didn't overpower the meat. I always say a good sauce can turn bad BBQ good or vice versa. I would say this meat didn't even need the sauce, but I'd drink the stuff straight out of a glass.

Rarely do you find such good food with such friendly folks behind the counter, but Pierson & Company got it right. My only warnings: 1) There are only three tables in the place, so go at a slightly off hour. 2) Plan on going straight home afterwards 'cause, due to the small size of the place, you're gonna smell like you were standing right over the pit.

The Debate That is Audrina Partridge

This debate has been going on in my house for a while. Is Audrina Partridge hot? I say wholeheartedly "HELLS YEAH". Sandy, however, says no. We asked our dog, Riley, but he just looked up us, obviously annoyed, and went back to chewing his bone. This debate is almost as old as our Dixie Chicks debate.

Here's a pic of her from FHM. Your thoughts? More pics here.

Chief Sign Thomas Jones

Yesterday, my Kansas City Chief signed 32-year-old running back Thomas Jones. Good for my Chief, bad for my Texans.

The Texans stood hard and fast by their "no-running-back-over-30" stance and I thing it's hurt 'em this time. They also passed up on Chester Taylor, who went to the Bears.

The Chief got a virtual steal at 2 years, $5M for Jones, who is coming off back to back spectacular seasons. While it's true, Jones' shelf life in the league is quickly expiring, signing Jones would have made an immediate impact in the Texans' backfield. Instead, we're relying on Steve Slaton (I told you not to get too hyped on him!), Arian Foster, and Ryan Moats (who is a restricted free agent and could possibly leave). Thank God Chris Brown will be gone.

Detractors will bring up the disaster that was Ahman Green, but don't start with me on that. Green basically came into camp on crutches and didn't last two games.

Maybe I shouldn't worry too much. I'm sure Kubiak will figure something out. Is Quentin Griffen available? Olandis Gary?

Why aren't my paragraphs separating in this post? I have no idea.

Conversation I Actually Just Had.....

Carlton: "Ross, I just got a new panini press! It's pretty bad-ass. It's got a grill surface and then a heavy weight that you put on top of it."

Ross: "You don't strike me as the kind of guy that makes paninis."

Carlton: "Well, that's what I wanted to ask you.....what's a panini?"

Ross: laughs

New Texans Campaign

I just saw a Facebook update revealing the Texans' new marketing campaign "Unleash The Spirit".

Message to Rick Smith and Bob McNair: "Unleash The Checkbook". Wrap up Owen Daniels and DeMeco Ryans to long term deals. Do it. Now. You're always talking about keeping the fans on board, well this would do it.

While you're at it, go ahead and extend Andre's contract another 10 years.

The White Stripes Live

Easily one of my favorite bands, The White Stripes are releasing a live album next Tuesday called Under Great White Northern Lights. Until then, you can stream it here.

Even though Jack is busy doing other things, "Icky Thump" is still my ring tone and I'm still droolin' over Meg White.

The Runaways

I'm REALLY hoping this movie is gonna be good, despite "Ms. Twilight" playing Joan Jett.

And when did Dakota Fanning grow up? That makes me feel old.

Link Round Up

Here's the part of the show where I give you some links I thought were pretty cool. This will be a recurring theme as I gather enough of 'em that I like. Maybe you've seen 'em, maybe not. Hell, maybe you sent it to me in which case I owe you a "thanks". Just remember not to stroll too far away from my big, strong, comforting arms. Happy clickin', bitches.

If you dig big eyed cartoon chicks with tattoos (like I do), you'll like this artist. (Thanks to M. Proctor for this one)

If you know me at all, you know why I love Coco (that's Mrs. Ice-T to you).

This is a must-watch video from Funny or Die, especially if you're a fan of SNL.

Much props to Sherron Collins, who played his final game at Allen the other night (win vs #6 K-State). Thanks for everything, Sherron.

Hole's new song. Do not like.

A stripper talks about good dancin' songs. Who knew Weezer was such the strip club mainstay?

TROLOLOLOLO

Disturbing, yet mesmerizing.....



Thanks to C. Knapp for bringing this to my attention. I think.

Twit

Can anyone really explain to me the popularity and the reason for Twitter? I'm sorry, but I have yet to grasp the concept. 140 characters to tell me what you're having for lunch? Unless I'm going with you, I don't care. Why do I need to know you're on your way to wash your car or your cat isn't feeling well? I didn't care to know this stuff instantly two years ago, before the Twitter explosion, and I don't care now.

I might give a little break to celebrities. After we got to look into their lives with the advent of reality TV, we were hooked. Am I interested if Kim Kardashian is on her way to a photo shoot for GQ? Not really, but I can see where people would wanna feel like they're a part of that. Now if Coco is sending out pics of her squat portion of her workout (in high heels none-the-less), I'm down. Keep fightin' the good fight, Coco.

Your friends may not tell you this to be nice, but I'll say it right here: Facebook is NOT Twitter! If you post a status update more than three times a day regularly, you have a problem and guess what, your friends hate you and have probably hidden you by now.

Greatest moment in Twitter history:

You Decided his Name was "Carol"? Really?

Yesterday, Where The Wild Things Are was released on DVD. When this movie came out, I, like many others my age, went to see it with my Mom. I remember so vividly reading this book with my mom when I was young. For some reason, it didn't scare the hell outta me. I loved the story of Max in his wolf outfit, taking charge of the monsters and pretty much having a big party, then sailing home to his dinner, which was still warm. Such good memories.

I knew going into this movie, that Spike Jonze was going to put his own spin on it. That's fine, the book was 15 pages or something like that so I expected a little padding to make it a full 90-minute movie. What I didn't expect was the take Jonze did on the characters. I always thought of Max as a normal, trouble making kid with one hell of an imagination. What I was given on screen was a friggin' psycho. That kid was Norman Bates-esque. The first scene just about made me think he killed his dog. I think that was my biggest problem with this movie: Jonze didn't make me care about the two main characters, Max and Carol (I never pictured that monster named "Carol"). Hell, besides not caring, I barely even liked either of 'em.

If you haven't seen the movie, I actually recommend it. The visuals are great and Karen O does an amazing job on the soundtrack. Just try to block out any good memories from your childhood.

Video of "All is Love" by Karen O:

It Begins

So this is what happens when you wake up at 3:00AM and can't get back to sleep. You start to think about things. Random things. Things you wanna do that you haven't done yet. Things like taking a photography class, get back in touch with that friend from college, learning to properly braise pork belly, have a threesome (or foursome/fivesome/orgy), or start a blog. It is now 4:56 in the AM, so starting a blog was really my only option.

Yeah, yeah, blogs are soooo "2004". I know. It might surprise some of my friends that I've had a blog, in one form or another, for many years. It started off with a private one. A blog that I kept a secret from everyone but my wife. It was anonymous and fun for a while, but it never developed as I wanted. After that, I wrote for some friends, wrote for myself, and wrote about three posts for Houstonist.

So here I am today. I've thought about this for quite a bit and I think I have enough ideas to get it going the way I want. It should be fun. I'm thinking sports, food, sex, pop culture, music, movies, whatever is on my mind. I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammatical errors. I'm not here to win a Pulitzer, I'm here to create an outlet for me and hopefully make my friends laugh. So let's get started.....

"I've got a bad feeling about this" - Han Solo